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Friday, July 8, 2011
Testing the App
Testing BlogPress. Is your refrigerator running?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
In Spite Of
We become the adults we are either as a result of our childhoods or IN SPITE OF our childhoods. I'm choice B, I suppose.
So as I spend all this time hand stitching away, I have lots of time to ponder life in general. Why the hell am I creating all this work for myself? I could have just bought these baptism garments. I could have made them, but used store-bought trim. Why do I insists on personalizing every aspect of this project and adding more work to my already full plate?
EUREKA!! I suddenly understand so much more about myself. I've realized only yesterday that, again, it's in spite of my childhood. All my time as a kid was spent competing with my mother for my father's attention. I was never as good at anything as she was (I've got an earlier blog referencing this topic). Sewing was one of those things. "I'd just never even hope to be as good as she was" is what I learned to believe from my father's actions and words to me. Well, I suppose even in her death that I'm out to prove myself just to spite my father by trying to do things better than she did. I'm not sure if my mother made my christening dress (was I ever christened?). Well, snap. I've got TWO with hand beaded trim, 2 bibs, and 2 bible covers.
So do I have my dad's attention and respect now? Ha, doesn't that sound crazy? dark? twisted? immature? It does to me, but it's what makes me tick and I am embracing it in this moment. For some strange reason, I feel like Neo in The Matrix at the end when he whoops that Agent Smith's ass and flexes a "digital wave" through the matrix. Yep, that's me at the sewing machine. *snicker* *sneeze(nerd!)*
What a weird path my mind has taken. Still trying to become a more well-adjusted adult I suppose.
So as I spend all this time hand stitching away, I have lots of time to ponder life in general. Why the hell am I creating all this work for myself? I could have just bought these baptism garments. I could have made them, but used store-bought trim. Why do I insists on personalizing every aspect of this project and adding more work to my already full plate?
EUREKA!! I suddenly understand so much more about myself. I've realized only yesterday that, again, it's in spite of my childhood. All my time as a kid was spent competing with my mother for my father's attention. I was never as good at anything as she was (I've got an earlier blog referencing this topic). Sewing was one of those things. "I'd just never even hope to be as good as she was" is what I learned to believe from my father's actions and words to me. Well, I suppose even in her death that I'm out to prove myself just to spite my father by trying to do things better than she did. I'm not sure if my mother made my christening dress (was I ever christened?). Well, snap. I've got TWO with hand beaded trim, 2 bibs, and 2 bible covers.
So do I have my dad's attention and respect now? Ha, doesn't that sound crazy? dark? twisted? immature? It does to me, but it's what makes me tick and I am embracing it in this moment. For some strange reason, I feel like Neo in The Matrix at the end when he whoops that Agent Smith's ass and flexes a "digital wave" through the matrix. Yep, that's me at the sewing machine. *snicker* *sneeze(nerd!)*
What a weird path my mind has taken. Still trying to become a more well-adjusted adult I suppose.
Slightly Derailed
Well, this week is off. DS is teething and going through anxiety phase BAD! He didn't last 20 minutes in day care at the gym last Saturday. And he's been up at night every night. Whine, whine, whine.
Oh, it's all good because I've been working on baptism garments - homemade! Yes, hand sewing zillions of little seed pearls, trim work, sewing the little bible covers and bibs is taking for.ev.er. So during nap time, that's what I'm doing. I'm ready to be done with all this stuff so I can get to living life again. You know, doing laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, scrubbing the toilets. Oh, right. I meant watching Opr...oh, right. Well, shit, guess I've run out of excuses to get it on back to the gym.
OK, so standby for updates. I've got to get myself into the new dress I bought for the baptism next weekend and haven't checked it in a couple of weeks. Hope I can breathe! Thank you, Assets from Target! I'm not paying for the real Spanx, so I'll stick with the cheap sausage casing. :)
Oh, it's all good because I've been working on baptism garments - homemade! Yes, hand sewing zillions of little seed pearls, trim work, sewing the little bible covers and bibs is taking for.ev.er. So during nap time, that's what I'm doing. I'm ready to be done with all this stuff so I can get to living life again. You know, doing laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, scrubbing the toilets. Oh, right. I meant watching Opr...oh, right. Well, shit, guess I've run out of excuses to get it on back to the gym.
OK, so standby for updates. I've got to get myself into the new dress I bought for the baptism next weekend and haven't checked it in a couple of weeks. Hope I can breathe! Thank you, Assets from Target! I'm not paying for the real Spanx, so I'll stick with the cheap sausage casing. :)
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