Back To Work

Today is a new day.  Where do I begin?

Today's word:  ANGER.

I'm mad because I went to homecoming this past weekend and saw some folks who really tick me off.  My anger toward a situation over which I had no control has caused me to stop caring about the things that really matter.  I lost zest for living.  I have had no desire to get up in the morning, take care of myself, and continue to improve my life (and the lives of my loved ones).  I've been bitter for months and it finally came to a head.

I have unfortunately allowed a situation and some really gnarly folks to mark outposts in my head.  Affirmation:  I will no longer allow these toxic events and people define who I am.  I will take control and become MYSELF once again.  So take a hike, negative forces, I've had enough.  I'm tired of being angry, ashamed and bitter.

I was a personal trainer and group fitness instructor once, and my wellness has fallen by the wayside recently.  I am absolutely ashamed of myself.  I avoid meeting up with old friends and new ones like no one's business because I am ashamed of my self discipline and how it looks on me.  Well, there's only one way out of this trench, and I am prepared to start digging my way out.

I'm still angry with some people from my past.  I will use these feelings as fuel and motivation.  My revenge?  I will look and feel better than all of them.  I will be stronger than they could ever hope to be.  I will be more self aware than they are.  I will remember those soft fluffs and do an extra set of push-ups.  Anger can be an effective tool and right now, it's generating my accelerant.  I will be seeing those people again, and without words, I will make them cry.  So let's begin.

Today's workout:  

CARDIO:  I walked around the neighborhood for 30 minutes.  I am sad that my heart rate was almost immediately in the fat burning zone.  One year ago, a simple walk would have been too easy for me.  But for now, it's where I need to be - walking in oxygyn.

RESISTANCE:  (Level of exertion is 1 - 10; 1 is no effort, 10 is on the brink of death)

QUADS:  6...I did "wall ball squats."  I place the fit ball between my lower back and the wall, step out, plant my feet firmly and squat slowly.  2 sets of 12 reps today.  

BACK:  10 (my rear delts are pathetically weak and not supportive)...I used "toddler dumbbells" and did 2 sets of 15 reps of dead rows.

CHEST:  7...Baby sized DB (dumbbell) fly on the fit ball.

HAMSTRING/GLUTS:  9...Static lunges - 2 sets of 10 on each side.  Then standing glut kickbacks:  1 set of 15 reps, 2nd set was only 10 reps on each side.  I reached my limit.

DELTS:  4...Infant sized DB side lateral raises, 2 sets of 15 reps.

BICEPS:  4...Baby sized DB curls, 2 sets of 12 reps.

TRICEPS:  4...Infant sized DB overhead extensions, 2 sets of 10 reps.

ABS:  7...12 crunches on the fit ball.  Holy hell, I'm weak.

Notice my level of effort is not much today.  That's because my muscles are so atrophied that I want to walk and lift my arms tomorrow.  As I go on, I'll increase the strength in my supporting muscle groups along with the level of exertion.  Baby steps...

Today, I trained for MYSELF.  I am not strong enough to do it for anyone else yet, but I will get to that point.  I trained for myself, but Denise and Melinda were right there with me in my thoughts, cheering me on.  Thanks, girls.  I miss you both.

Affirmation:  just do it, don't think about it.  DO IT!