Day 5

During the 25 minute walk this morning,  I did not notice something that I have been noticing for the last 4 days.  There has been a twinge of pain under my kneecaps as I walk with nearly every step.  After 2 days, it concentrated in my right knee only.  Yesterday, I felt it for the first 50 or so steps.  Today I did not feel it at all.  It's my knees' way of saying, "Thank you for taking us for a walk."  Yes, my knees are talking to me.  Crazy?

"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."  -Samuel Butler

Stay with me here.  In the very beginning Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan, did not speak the same language.  Ms Sullivan tried and tried, but she never gave up.  Helen fought with her.  She probably felt hatred, fear and contempt for this new "energy" in her dark silent world that just wouldn't leave her alone.  She cried and lashed out physically.  This went on for quite some time.  Finally the day came that the light bulb came on over Helen's head and she understood what Ms Sullivan was trying to do.  "Water!"  I imagine Ms Sullivan throwing her arms up in the air looking to the sky yelling, "Finally!  After all this trouble, she gets it!  I didn't think this day would ever come!"

It took time for Helen to learn to understand signs for new words.  The concept of a sentence must have been daunting!  But that's not all she learned:  she was able to build on her knowledge.  She memorized how words "felt" in her hand and created words with her own hands.  Then on to learning how to read Braille.  Then learning how to write Braille.  What a process!

Learning how to understand what your body feels and how to translate that into what it's telling you takes time, practice and persistence.  It's the same process that Helen went through.  Slow and steady, little turtle.  My knees hurt, so I should not run, kickbox, squat with an Olympic sized barbell, or push myself too-too far.  I should take baby steps:  be persistent, push myself within a reasonable zone of effort in order to get more strong.  When I loose one pound, it will take some pressure off.  There's only one way for me to lose one pound right now = sidewalk.

When I was at my fattest and started going to a weight lifting class at a local gym, the loopy instructors kept telling me to "listen to your body.  It will tell you what to do."  Whoa, slow down, Christie (aren't the skinny people all named Christie and Bambi?).  You are crazy and you have no idea what you're talking about.  Nobody knows my body better than me, so you and your skinny butt can stick it.  The endorphins and tofu have obviously gone to your head.

After shedding 50 pounds, I started to "hear" to what my body was feeling, or "saying," if you will.  I was learning to understand the language my body was speaking.  And as more time passed, I became more fluent.  

So Christie was right after all.  And so was I.  Here's the thing:  Christie has never seen a fat day in her life.  She was telling me what was happening to her fit healthy body.  She had no idea what to tell us fat girls lined up in the back of the studio.  She didn't understand that when you're carrying around a bunch of extra mass, there's no way on earth you can "lie down face up, hoist those tree trunks for legs, and C-R-U-N-C-H!!!"  Not a chance.  When my body started to shrink more like hers, my body did start talking to me, the light bulb came on and I listened.  I've seen both sides of the coin.  And the thin side is a lot better.

The lesson is that it's been a long time since I listened to my body.  Today it said something to me.  I've been persistent for only 5 days, but thank goodness my body remembers how to communicate with me!  I'm having a flashback to Olivia Newton-John, uh-oh!  Think I'm crazy?  The endorphins and tofu have probably gone to my head.  :)