Well, I did work out with Wii on Saturday morning for 30 minutes. It was a low level workout because I'd been feeling so sick - and I'm still feeling that way, so I haven't worked out since! I think it must be allergies, because the feeling comes and goes. Who wants to train with a pounding headache and being able to breathe only through your mouth? Not me. I actually have a nose-ache, if that is such a thing.

Well, you know Vegas is approaching! I'm having a very hard time looking forward to it because my first stop on the trip is to visit family (cue ominous music here, something like the Darth Vadar theme). I am anticipating a very strained visit over dinner - it just always goes that way, no matter how joyful I try to be. It's so difficult to get along with my family.

The good news is that I had a super great time meeting with my Alanon sponsor today!!! She is so wise and seemed to know exactly the right things to share with me today. Of the many things she reminded me, here is a nugget of wisdom that I should tattoo on my forearm:

Expectations are preconceived failures.

I have so many expectations of how my family should approach me, what are appropriate subjects to talk about, the right tone of voice to use, etc. I need to let go of my expectations and just worry about my own self! My Sponsor helped me to understand that everyone brings their own baggage to the table. If a conversation turns sour because of something someone said, I need to remember that it might have been said in pain. I do not know the pain, suffering and joy of each person who will be at the dinner table, and therefore I cannot possibly know the agenda behind what's being said. Am I making any sense? It makes perfect sense to me.

I have to curb my desire to respond to (what I deem as) inappropriate questions with vinegar and honey. I just want to (act like a 4 year old) spit back statements that may be as hurtful as the question. For example:

Family member: "Why don't you come visit us anymore?"

Me: "In the entire 11 years of my married life, you never once came to visit me. I'm tired of footing the travel bill."

Other questions I hate:

"When are you having kids?"

"Why can't you spend more time with us today?"

"Why couldn't you get here earlier?"

"Why did cut off all your pretty hair?"

"Have you found a job yet?"

"How much is your vacation to Vegas costing you? Well, you don't even have a job! How are you going to pay for it?" (This will be a likely conversation)

"Since you're not working, how much money is your husband making?"

"When are you coming for our next visit?"

"How's your dad? Why haven't you talked to him?"

These questions sound crazy even to me, but seriously, they get asked at practically every family visit! Once, when I shared my wish to start a garden at our new place in the backyard, I was told, "Well, you can't do that! It takes the years to prepare the soil for a garden. And the grass runners will take over anyway. You won't be able to have a garden, you're just being silly." I'm not exaggerating!

This is typical, and I need to stop worrying about it. I have no control over it.

Now that I've gotten these things off my chest, I'm going to set it aside for now. I'm going to think about Vegas and how much fun I'm going to have with my friend!!!

I'm chairing an Alanon meeting tonight. I'm planning the topic to be "communication." My sponsor recommended remembering "detachment" as well. Yep, it's just what I needed to hear. I'm glad I met with her today!!!