coffee oatmeal
yogurt lite, small pc. quiche
small pc. quiche, asparagus
choc. chips for a snack, oh, yes, now I feel better
grilled burger w/ cheese, mushrooms, onion, acavacdo & mayo
walnuts for my midnight unexpected crash. I successfully avoided the chocolate
I went swimming yesterday morning, I it really wiped me out! What a nice refreshing workout. I'm doing anything to avoid feeling like I'm "working."
What a mood swing last night! It felt like a lingering panic attack. Yes, I've been getting that feeling too. The residual effects are anger which is what I'm feeling today. But I'm trying to haul my butt up out of it.
Today I did a Wii workout and tried a new one called "My Fitness Trainer." The trainer's name is Maya. Oh, Maya whipped me doing a 15 minute cardio session - if you could see me in my living room working out with a "vidya game" you'd laugh! Maybe some of you are working out with your Wii's too. It's great fun and a much tougher workout that I was hoping for today. Seriously, it kicked my butt! I'm not sure what I think about Maya...
Well, chocolate cake day is here!! Can't wait to get it made. The Schwann man is coming today, so I'm planning to get some ice cream as well. Oh, yes, I love to cheat.
I'm having an especially difficult day with my mind. I'm so angry with my husband - it all started yesterday evening. We were sitting at the table yesterday evening eating a nice dinner and he was telling me about his most recent AA meeting, the step he's working on, what is difficult and what is more difficult, blah, blah, blah (I imagine it's all pretty tough for him). One of my gripes lately is that he doesn't share enough with me what he's learning about himself from the AA meetings (you know me, I always talk his ear off). Well, he's just doing the right thing for me, bucking up and doing his part to share.
As he was telling me these things, I could feel unexpected anger deep inside me welling up from simmer to boiling over in about 10 minutes flat. I don't know why, but I started thinking about all the "life goals" we've been postponing, all the home improvements that are on the back burner and all MY hopes and dreams which have been torn to pieces because alcohol has pretty much derailed everything. And this early into recovery, he's nowhere near thinking about the future, he can't even see as far ahead as next weekend.
I'm so frustrated! I want to make plans, go on vacation, paint a room, so many things! Not only is lack of future planning an issue for us right now, but going to our meetings us sucking. He goes to meetings on evenings when I'm home. I go to meetings when he's home. Result, we can't even get together long enough to go over the budget for the upcoming week. It's the little stuff we can't do together because we're both focusing on recovery that really starting to eat away at both of us.
We're both frustrated. I'm trying not to allow my frustration to eat its way (no pun intended) into my food choices and training regimen. I was pretty proud of myself for choosing walnuts in my unexpected white hot fury last night. There is a Kit Kat and a Turtle in the pantry (my husband bought for emergencies because he knows me), but I DIDN'T TOUCH EITHER OF THEM. YESYESYES. Hurdle overcome! Mountain climbed! Baby step taken!
I'm not feeling so happy today, but cheat cake is coming. :) That's enough happy thought for me right now.
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