Day 9.3

I've been pondering on yesterday's counseling party (aaaaahhhh, therapy).  We were discussing my "re-forming the habit of taking care of my physical self."  I explained that I am focusing on re-establishing the habit of doing one thing every day and the step for right now is simply walking every day and a little bit of resistance training thrown in.  The question for me, then, was, "Well, why aren't you focusing on your food as well?"  

My initial thought was this:  "Are you kidding me?  I'm going through a really tough time right now.  You seriously don't expect me to focus on ALL that is healthy, do you?  You're the expert - you've got to be joking me."  Then I realized that she doesn't know me.  She's probably never been through the process of going from fat to fit like I have.  She's asking a perfectly honest question - it's not a personal attack.

I explained that for me, I would be setting myself up for failure if I took on more than I can handle.  Right now, I can handle a walk.  If I changed my training routing AND my eating habits, I'd crash and burn.  I need to reach the point of "moving" every day as a habit.  It will soon become something that I do without consciously trying to talk myself out of it.  When I'm ready, then I'll move on to the next baby step.  THIS I KNOW FOR SURE.  Trust me, I've seen me do it.  

We wouldn't teach kids how to multiply and divide before they are comfortable with adding and subtracting would we?  That's just crazy!  Same concept.

This is how we break a habit (take a baby step):

• Admit that I've got a habit (for me, it's avoiding exercising).
• Not want to live with the habit.  In other words, I've got to think it's not a good idea for me to have this habit.
• Know I can live without this habit.  In other words, I've got to see that I have it in myself to be free of this habit somewhere down the road.
• Find the resolve to break the habit.  In other words, ask myself how much I really want to break it - and be honest with myself.
• Watch myself doing the habit.

This is how we change:

• Right now I'm doing it without really being aware of it.
  
• Soon I may be doing it (trying to talk myself out of my walk), and then recognizing that I'm doing it.
• I may start to do it and catch myself.
• Then I maybe just about to start, and catch myself before it really starts.
• Then I may be just starting to think about it and catch myself.
• Finally I find myself not thinking about it anymore.

I learned these things from a teacher workshop I attended when I was teaching at an elementary school.  The woman leading the workshop was genius in my eyes!  I thought this was a brilliant notion!  I was alone in my admiration of her - most of the teachers in our school hated seeing her come teach our workshops and thought she was a crackhead.  I think they might have been in a little denial about themselves?  Or maybe not ready to admit that they were unhappy and weren't ready to make a change (this was the group of Krispy Kream donut ladies I mentioned on day 2.2).

I have many habits I need to change in order to be who I intend on being.  I've picked one and I'm sticking with it until I'm ready to move on to the next one.  It might be next week, it might be next year.  But I'm sticking with what I know I can handle.  And that makes me a success, if only for 9 days.   I am 9 days closer to making Day 10 a success!